I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
