6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
