Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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