filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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