A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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