Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize