So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
