the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
splinters make it hard to masturbate
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
