I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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