I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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