I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
