Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
