So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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