Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize