dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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