My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
