Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
