I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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