I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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