2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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