Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
