Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
