I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
