White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
