Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
