census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize