4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
