ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
