She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
