i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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