My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
