Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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