i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
