Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
