enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
