Do you still have your period?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
