my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
