Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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