Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
