ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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