awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
