absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize