I cannot find my penis.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did i walk over a car last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize