eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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