The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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