I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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