2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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