I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
