How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
