currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
