I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
