My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
