My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
