It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
