I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
