well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dicks are not precious.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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