Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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