Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
