You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
