I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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