Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
