***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
