when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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