He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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