don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
